“I’m so sorry for your loss”

I woke up to that message this morning from one of Jaime’s uncles who is very hard to get into contact with. He said “I am so sorry for your loss” and that struck me somewhere, I am too numb to even understand exactly where, but it is like I am some doll that keeps getting pins stuck through it’s body.

When someone tells me they are sorry for my loss, it makes me feel like I really have lost everything. The process of understanding how I feel is probably the most confusing. I don’t know how or what to feel about this. The confusion of what happened and how it happened will probably never cease.

But most importantly, it makes me feel like Jaime’s loss is more important than his short life.

So, if you’re reading this, don’t tell me you are “sorry for my loss”. Tell me how beautiful James was. Tell me how incredible it is that I carried him for 9 months and created him. Tell me you miss him and you are glad he was able to be on Earth with me for 5 days.